Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Going home...

It seemed simple, with all its good intent. And so it was. But it wasn't. It was 12 days of tumult- reawakened pain, regrief, and no relief.  I am reminded that the road less traveled leads to the places that astonish- like the journey to Havasupai, treacherous but well worth any peril.

I have, indeed, been astonished during this journey, like a little child discovering colored flowers from his dreams. Astonished by the intensity of grief that sits dormant just below the surface of my skin, waiting to be scraped or bumped. Astonished by the love that has deepened with the suffering. Astonished by the kindness of others, like staffs along a cliffside, safely guiding the path. Astonished by my children who share both the joy and sadness in each moment.

One day, when my work here is done, I will be buried with her ashes that are now safely placed in her butsudan, where I'll light Nagchampa each night and think of her.  And we'll never have to be apart again.

All my paths have led to this day, and now she is home for good. Nathan, thank you. Thank you.

She's come home. She's come home.

Polly Come Home
Robert Plant and Alison Kraus

If the wild bird could speak
She'd tell the places you have been
She's been in my dreams
And she knows all
The ways of the wind

Polly come home again
Spread your wings to the wind
I felt much of the pain
As it begins

Dreams cover much time
Still they leave blind
The will to begin
I searched for you there
And now look for you from within

Polly come home again
Spread your wings to the wind
I felt much of the pain
As it begins...

(If you have not heard this song, you really must listen)


Kara Chipoletti Jones of GriefAndCreativity dot com said...

xoxox much love to you xoxox... i'm so glad she's home with you. as always my very being to you for this path you walk, for the guidance of your footsteps, for the enormity of your heart... have something to share with you... will try to get it done tomorrow and email... xoxoxo me

Unknown said...

Welcome home Precious One.


I love you big, I love you upside down and sideways.

You are a gift - I know you don't think so, but you are.

I am so grateful for you. (And Chey)

Unknown said...

i have been reading and sobbing, and reading and sobbing, in small doses because Lily's birthday was so near to Chey coming home to you.

i was drawn so strongly to "Dear Chey" one night close to Lily's day and I read it all that night, on my closet floor, curled up, and i thought so much of you and of your darling girl.

thank you for sharing this. thank you because one day, maybe, just maybe, i will have the fortitude to do what you did. To bring my daughter home to me.

you are truly a blessing to this world, as is your daughter.

all my love and care,


The soul still sings in the darkness telling of the beauty she found there; and daring us not to think that because she passed through such tortures of anguish, doubt, dread, and horror, as has been said, she ran any the more danger of being lost in the night. Nay, in the darkness did she, rather, find herself.

--St. John, Dark Night of the Soul

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